zempasuchil: (zempasuchil)
I've had two people message me this month asking to translate a couple of my fics into Russian and Chinese, which is TOTALLY COOL I LOVE TRANSLATION, and totally flattering, and totally unprecedented for me :)) but it made me think I should put up a sticky post

If you want to make a translation or a podfic or derivative work of any of my fanfics, go for it! Blanket permission granted. The only thing I hope is that you would send me a link so I can link to your translation/podfic/etc from the fic post/Ao3.
zempasuchil: (sam lifts his eyes)
The year of goodbyes

We came from a village where we were all torches.
I carried you from one house to another,
the heat of you crackling in my hand.
Everyone told me to be afraid. I told you I wasn't.
I touched you anyway.

This winter is the hardest winter I’ve known.
My gloves are too cold to warm my hands,
your fire long gone from the herringbone shroud.
You are a long way away. I hope you are remembering me.
I will be here when you remember me.

They gave me this lighter. They gave me a mission,
a good engine, mountains in my brain.
They gave me your needle eyes, your long fingers.
They gave us time and the courage to defy them,
taste for meat, lungs for smoke, love of rain.

You were buried in mud. I tried to unearth you.
The voice I heard was very quiet. I thought,
you can't think I am equal to this. I thought,
there must be a reason for me to lose you.
A good reason. I gave up on goodness.

There were no maps for my desperation.
I held a mirror to my youth, cut off
the last years of my life. Relied on blind turns.
I made us a language of what we’ve already said
but the world has changed. We have no good words.

Unable to take us back or let you down gently,
I am putting my hands into your fire. It’s not
that I want to die; I want to prove we’ve lived,
to tear up unanswered questions, to be intractable,
except under your hands, at the end of the line

where you touch me despite everything.
This time I say the right things
to your warm body, my hands scorched
by your breathing. Everyone tells me to be afraid.
I tell you I’m not. I touch you anyway.



--

This is a wincest poem :) I posted this on [livejournal.com profile] redredwords but forgot to post it to my main journal. Woops.

I started this more than years ago as a SPN poem, and it still is, and I still want to make graphics and put this text on them, but I figured it took me so long to write this poem I might as well post it in its entirety first to say it's done because I won't work on it anymore XD And I have already done two stanza graphics tonight, but there are still 5 more! Who even knows if this would see the light of day, then! I am not that great at graphics, friends! I have a dream of making gifs but oh god my gifs always look terrible.

many thanks to [personal profile] animus_wyrmis for looking this over ohhh sayyyy about a year ago! and her invaluable feedback and encouragement! :D even for my incest poetry!

I will post the graphics when I finish them :) I am determined to, despite my greatly deteriorated visual recall.
zempasuchil: (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] gold_bluepoint is writing her final paper for her Arthur class right now, and hearing her talk about it made me remember a few of my favorite Merlin vids. How is it I can remember 4 stellar vids from Merlin fandom but very few SPN fics? Something to do with the sheer volume of enjoyable SPN stuff I consumed. While Merlin vids are a smaller niche.

Anyway, a trip down memory lane. Great music, great vids.

Red - song: Red, by Elbow; vid by [livejournal.com profile] obsessive24. Arthur-centric (Merlin/Arthur too but hey it's s1 - maybe some s2?? I forget - so everything kinda was.) This was one of the first vids I remember being hella impressed by - I hadn't seen any remarkable ones before somehow. And I love the song for Arthur and how even here at the beginning of his journey, you can see his unfortunate future coming, how the good things now are kinda too good to last.

Unsteady Ground - song: Unsteady Ground, by Catherine Feeny; vid by [livejournal.com profile] cherryice. Morgana. the streaming links are broken ;_; but the download link lives! The way it's framed within Morgana's waking-up and the title is an exciting way of reminding the viewer of the palimpsest of Arthurian myth and its stories; the lyrics about Bush-administration issues and politics and the Iraq war, over Uther's executions and our main characters' stays in the dungeons - I always loved the regime/revolution allegory of the Pendragons.

Surrender - song: Close, by Telepopmusik; vid by [livejournal.com profile] newkidfan. Merlin/Will and Merlin/Arthur. Las recced this one and oh man, what a great song. What exciting editing. I HELLA SHIPPED THEM ugh childhood friiieeenndssss! The small version on the streamplayer is still there, but I remember there being one with better resolution.

Make Something Good - song: Make SOmething Good, by Laura Viers; vid by sweetestdrain. Gwen-centric? Wyrm showed me this one, oh my goddddd this song is so **___** and about Arthuriana and these young young versions in Merlin I JUST AAAHHH. The author says it's Merlin/Arthur/Gwen but I'm reading it more like Gwen/everyone. The video just shows how much love she gives and I slkjsadfl aaaahhhhh Gweeennnnn



PS I know I am not posting much anymore, but I check lj almost daily! I just never feel like I have anything to post about. Though I may be looking for a fic bingo card after the holidays and poetry applications - so beginning of January. I'm writing some very slowly right now and would like to find an excuse just to pound ficlets out.

Hiatus!

Jul. 9th, 2013 01:31 am
zempasuchil: (macchu picchu)
Hey guys, I'm leaving in... 5 hours... on a jet plane. So this is hiatus. I'm going to be gone on vacation in a foreign country without my laptop for a month. If you have stuff you need! (or just want :) )to tell me, email me at zorrosuchil at gmail and I'll try to get back to you - but it will prob not happen quickly or reliably. I'll be traveling a lot with v. unpredictable internet access, and with my mom so there will be less alone time for internetting.

I am super sad I won't get to obsessively stalk my inbox for bigbang comments ;) I promise, when I get back in August, I will be soooo happy to respond to you!

Think good thoughts about travel safety for me and I will bring you back many pictures of beautiful things and hopefully some writing too!!! that is my goal, I brought 4 different mostly-blank notebooks but have few non-shitty pens, ahahaha.

<333333

Z


zempasuchil: (jared being chased by dogs!)
My going-to-bed problem returns with the SPN finale and Elementary finale and the summer weather and later light and

idk

lack of self-discipline

boring chronological list of stuff I have to do and how I feel so not on top of it )

This list is totally boring to all of you I'm sure but I haven't even taken the time to try to organize myself verbally till now, and it's clearly kinda necessary :/. I went to Anime Central this weekend, an anime con, it was crazy huge and super fun and I will post about things later (doujinshi lolomg! the awesome number of cas/meg cosplays (2)! the prodigal son parable at church today and how I was so tired all I could do was relate it to SPN!)

or maybe I will not post about things, but I would like to, and it could still happen!

Now I'm going to stop sabotaging myself and go to bed. <3
zempasuchil: (dean looks down)
insert here: post about my busy life that is way too busy for an introvert like me

who has at least 12k of bigbang to plot and make sense of and write by the end of the month

and, like, book club and church and Salon and FEEDING MYSELF?? regretting book club and salon tbh

AREN'T THESE NORMAL THINGS A NORMAL PERSON COULD HANDLE


no sorry shutting up, I am just overtired right now, I'm irrational.


PS please god give me an apartment for June 15th!
zempasuchil: (jared being chased by dogs!)
So, I've had an epiphany, if you will, since I started going to church against recently - I really should stop immersing myself in the darkness of monsters and demons and codependency, and start focusing on the real message of salvation in Supernatural fandom: heaven and the angels. And I just don't know if I can work on such a dark and morally twisted work like Sam/Dean for spn_j2_bigbang. It's going to be really difficult for me to grow closer to God if I'm focusing on something that is like really obviously sinful, right? I think a more fitting pairing for my feelings would be Dean/Castiel. The Righteous Man thing, obviously, is such a big part of Dean's characterization and the fact that Castiel put his hand on his shoulder and marked him for God is a characterization point I've been ignoring for too long. I never wanted to explore their profound bond before, but I'm sort of having a born-again experience, and I really think that means immersing myself in fandom's most profound relationship between the holy and the human.

Since I can't manage to shake Sam as my favorite character, I wanted to get into this pairing the way he might get into it - so I'm trying to work through it in fic. Let me know what you think? I'm kind of new to this.


(set in current canon - post 8.18)



"Castiel," Sam says, as the bartender brings them their beers, "I wanted to talk to you about Dean."

Castiel looks immediately uncomfortable. )

-

Hmmm. This might need a little work.
zempasuchil: (winchesters are cozy)
I know it's been a while, but remember the midseason hiatus? When Dean faked that text message to Sam, and Sam went back to see Amelia, and realized it was a trick, and Sam and Dean were really mad at each other?

This fic takes place after that hiatus, and basically goes AU from there. I wrote the first draft of it as a Christmas gift for my dear gf [livejournal.com profile] gold_bluepoint, who had been feeling down about Dean's characterization and depression in the last few seasons, and particularly how scary unrelatable off the rails he seemed at the beginning of this season. So I wrote her some Dean POV domestic wincest, because at this point in the show, even before the bunker, it was clear that the logical arc was for Sam to seduce Dean into believing that he, too, could rest from the hunting life and settle down etc.

So I wrote what the heart wanted.

But I'm talking too much.

The title is from this poem, Ruins:

This year will take from me
the hardened person
who I longed to be.
I am healing by mistake.
Rome is also built on ruins.



Rome Was Also Built on Ruins
Sam/Dean
NC-17
15,400 words
AU from 8.09 Citizen Fang. Spans pre-S8 to aftermath of 8.09.
Dean is messed up. Sam needs space. They split up for a while, but then Dean breaks his leg.

At this point he wonders if it's just survival instinct. The biological imperative, to go on breathing, to see his family again. Sam. )

Part 2
zempasuchil: "a piece / details / question whether" (a humument)
guys check this out, [livejournal.com profile] salty_catfish wants to start up this thing where you do sketches based on a theme, then the sketches get shuffled and you end up with someone else's to complete.

THIS SOUNDS SUPER COOL RIGHT??

[livejournal.com profile] spnartistswap

check it outttt :D
zempasuchil: (sam lifts his eyes)
I just wrote a 2000-ish word rambly outline in chat of my bigbang. 2k!!! Why? Why? Because now I know the story, at least, minus a things like settings which include both scenery and hunting cases.

This feels excessive though, like, i have way too many notes and rambles on this fic and not enough sentences or paragraphs of ACTUAL WRITTEN FIC. All plans and squee and rambling and emotional arc around a couple canon events. I mean, that sounds like a mess, but considering I have like 8k of it I'm really not truly horrified at my lack of progress, just... can my energy go towards writing this fic already? lol

i am just so in love with it and the ideas of it and the feeeelings *_______* honeymoon phase, basically.
zempasuchil: (winchesters - impala - sky)
I have been wanting to do podfic for a while but the planets had not aligned right. For one, I live down the road from a fire station. For another, the roommate whose room is right next to mine is the nonfannish roommate. BUT THEN THE PERFECT WEEKEND ARRIVED, and also my microphone is better than I thought and I had a couple good siren-less hours, AND [livejournal.com profile] coyotesuspect said that she had always wanted her fic Odysseus, American, to be podficced since it is about Dean listening to a book on tape.

THIS FIC IS REALLY FUCKING AWESOME AND YOU SHOULD READ IT - even if you do not have an hour to listen to my podfic, you should read the fic! I highly rec it :DDDD

Fic: Odysseus, American
NC-17
Sam/Dean
Author's summary: He finds Peter O'Toole's recording of the Odyssey in a bin marked “Audio" in Casa Grande's only used bookstore. The place smells like cigarette smoke and old books and reminds him of Sam. Stanford era.

1 hour
52 MB
DOWNLOAD at sendspace

I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THIS, TY COYOTE
zempasuchil: (jared being chased by dogs!)
omg, I totally forgot about this till I was going through my old fic docs, reorganizing my OneNote pages. And I said I would post it, and I did not! SHAME.

It doesn't even have a title, it's just something [livejournal.com profile] gold_bluepoint wanted me to write so I did, when we were having our blindfold contest. This is, I swear, the only claimable thing I wrote, of idk 2 or 3 fills? I forget. I have erased them from my mind, dear lord.

Anyway

WHAT COMES NEXT, ALIEN SEX
THE TENTACKLING:
a prequel

original fill posted here on blindfold

it is not really much sex and more weird Jensen&Danneel alien friendship worldbuilding, Jensen hooking up with strangers in bars exploring this new human sexuality thing, meeting Jared, with Danneel/Genevieve background! XD IT WAS FUN.

Jensen's life is both way weirder and way better than a rom-com. )
zempasuchil: (sassy healing touch)
[livejournal.com profile] badbastion recorded a podfic of my sam/cas fic from last year??!?!? eeeek

Knifepoint podfic!!

I wrote that salt-burn-porn fic all last night, 3k in one night omg!, and that was when badbastion asked if they could podfic my fic, and then this morning I posted my porn and then they posted their podfic and linked me to it - so, yes, a very porny couple of days!

and eeeeeek what a good reading! I love their voice, it is one of those qualitative things that I feel bad saying when I say why I like a podfic. It kinda makes it for me and nobody can control whether their voice is a voice people find listenable or nice or having enough gravitas - but the tone and the depth, yes yes yes. ALSO VOICES, THE CAS VOICE THERE IS SO GOOD OMG.

So there you go, I super enjoyed it :D every fic should be podded, then the world will be complete and beautiful :) :) :)

ps i wrote this entry last night and posted it tonight and I haven't seen spn yet, aaahhhh i hear it's good! aaahhhh *is waiting on roommate spn-watching buddies*

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