zempasuchil

SPN S7 FINALE IS AN ALLCAPS REACTION

2012-05-19T05:22:40Z

EVERYTHING IS SUPERNATURAL AND EVERYTHING HURTS SO GOOD

( HOW DO I HOLD ALL THESE FEELS???!!?!?!?! )

OH MY GOD GUYS

THIS SUMMER IS GONNA BE A GODDAMN GREAT FANFIC SUMMER

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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AWOOOOOOOOO

2012-05-02T05:12:35Z

SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS

twoskeletons & I JUST SENT IN OUR spn_j2_bigbang DRAFT

AT 35K

I AM SO FULL OF FEELINGS, IT IS SO FULL OF FEELINGS, AND SHIPS, CAN'T FORGET THE SHIPS, MANY SHIPS.

and with that I'm gonna catch up on sleep, hoo boy.

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insert dialogue here, insert sex here, insert characterization here

2012-04-15T03:47:14Z

me writing las's & my bigbang:

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zempasuchil @ 2012-03-26T17:50:00

2012-03-26T23:06:14Z

I think I haven't updated for a really long time.

mah laif:

1) bandbooktvworm came to visit me in Chicago from all the way across the country! That is legit the most we have seen each other since high school, and considering we hung out for days straight actually the most condensed hangout we've had ever??!? We went to a bar to meet a friend of hers, we went blues dancing and then got sangria and then got breakfast at like 2am, we went downtown on St Patrick's day and saw the Chicago River dyed green (NO FOR REAL THEY DO THAT :D), did the Art Institute and deepdish pizza and Sears/Willis Tower, kind of failed at making a blanket fort once we broke the futon, watched some SPN S1, saw Team Starkid put on "Holy Musical B@man!" (OMG AMAZING), all during the BEST WEATHER EVER OMG 60s-83 degrees!

2) immediately after A. left, I got a headcold/sinus infection. I spent a few days in the apartment by myself, aside from work, and also a couple days at work by myself because my boss was taking vacation. and I was sick and that sucked :( All I managed to do all week was watch 8 episodes of Misfits, feed myself, and do 1 load of laundry.

3) ok I am still sick but I also had a weekend with gold_bluepoint in which we were like, we're going to write! and then we mostly didn't and felt kinda overweening guilt about it. But I don't feel that guilty right now, because yesterday all I could do was 1 load of laundry, go to the store, make dinner with g_b, and then totally fucking crash at 9pm. I slept from 9:30 to 7:30 this morning, and only woke up once or twice to hack up a lung or throw the blankets off then on again.

Does that account for a week or two? I think so.

Now I am drinking hot Tang (YES IT IS THE DRINK OF THE GODS) and contemplating my activities for the evening. Make dinner? I don't know the schedule for this week yet (the one where my roomies and I cook for each other). Do state taxes? fuck that shit, but probably ugh I want my refund. Write like a good girl? mayyybeeeee. Watch Misfits? maybe more likely than writing. I might even go to bed early again??? because I was doing GREAT at work today until like 3:30, when I crapped out, because I was up and go go going allll day. First day of Spring quarter takes no prisoners.

PS I have seen SPN 7.17 twice and loved it a lot both tiiimes oh my godddd SAM YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFULLL ON THE GOOD INSIDE AND THE SCRUFFY OUTSIDE

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going to bed early omg

2012-02-27T04:54:59Z

I'm surprised it's been almost 10 days since I last posted. IDK, I am on twitter and tumblr and sometimes gchat, so I keep up with some people, but sometimes I get in a bad place when I don't write lj entries for a while. I have always liked having a diary and I've gotten out of the habit of a paper one. I like the lj format; when I write in a book I get impenetrably introspective and it is good at this point to have all my things in one place at least.

( diary blah blah: rl is great, fandom is idk )

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looking for a book rec

2012-02-16T01:34:34Z

Hi flist, can I ask a favor for my mom? She's an 11th grade English teacher teaching American Lit, and she's looking for a book to assign her students over the summer before 11th grade starts. She's specifically looking for a novel or short stories by "a female non-white (!!) author, better than Jhumpa Lahiri." So, uh, I'm interpreting that "better" as "more literary". I haven't read Louise Erdrich, which she's asking me about, and I don't think Beloved is appropriate for 16-year-olds, though I have heard that some people read it in high school.

Do you guys have any recs for 11th-graders? I don't read enough anymore, or have a good memory for what I have read.

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poem - played backwards (SPN flavored)

2012-02-10T00:36:54Z

There is a line in here inspired by a line in Straw House, Straw Dog by Richard Siken. The poem is about a dead man, and the line is "everything is happening at the wrong end of a very long tunnel." Fortunately, good poets borrow, great poets steal, and we'll see which one of those this effort merits ;)

Uhhh it's kind of very about the end of SPN S2. But in that non-explicit way.

played backwards

If ghosts are the echo of silence, the surfacing of a memory
we made but won't keep, we who have already surrendered to time
can't be killed: yet you keep dying you go on dying you're still dying

till you are a child sleeping in my arms. Death will not shrink you
but loose you into all the parts that make you up, you spool of wire
unwinding. I have sewn you up every day until today, you rag dog,

eyelashes reeling in to your cheeks, teeth sinking in and sharpening.
Ink is dripping from your fingertips, laughter rewinding into gasps,
your breath rising like a question that only death will answer.

It kills me to refuse you anything because I am very selfish
for your dirty hands and the marbles of your eyes, your laughter
and your questions, the knife of your stare, the salve of your breath.

You are the only thing at the end of a very long tunnel, so forgive me
if I mistake death for endless life, the black cloud not passing us over,
taking the first-born son, taking my fear into itself as you wake.

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RECS POAST

2012-01-30T09:07:06Z

ygrawn's I'd be cooling down the fire if I thought I could

THIS IS THE PERFECT VERSION OF WINCEST. It is Dean afraid of what he'll do with this intimacy he's been given, it is Sam flaunting shit and flirting because he wants Dean to be jealous because he knows Dean can't be threatened because they have something nobody else can have with them, they are lashing out and lashing in and so damn intimate and it is my favorite kind of thing ever. Yessssss.

Dean/Sam shaving kink - blindfold fill by anon - prompt: Sam's hurt both hands, so Dean has to shave him. Having Dean that close to him, focused with that little concentrating frown, breath warm on his face, Dean's competent hands tilting his head and angling him exactly the way he wants him -- well, Sam's not doing too well right now pretending he's not attracted to his brother.

GUYS THAT WAS SURPRISINGLY WONDERFULLY AWESOME FOR A BLINDFOLD FILL. Current canon as of 7.12. On the first part of the fill I was like, Aww this is cute but kinda silly characterization, but then IT SO GREW INTO ITS OWN. The Dean characterization was fabulous and the Sam was so needing to be taken care of and able to let his guard down and as;ofawlsdf aaaaahhhh perfect and tender and hot and hot and I laughed and it was great.

In other news, the blindfold_spn challenge gold_bluepoint and I had going is over, and RESULTS ARE BASICALLY IN: I won the Special Unnameable challenge, she won the Goddamn Weirdest Fill challenge, I won the Highest Wordcount challenge overall, we both posted two fills each, and she won the "filled a prompt not just posted by one of us" challenge. Also it was hot, jsyk; she says she plans on de-anoning b/c she wants to finish it for great justice. (On that note, I have the further adventures of Jensen, alien beauty, and his fabulous cousin Danneel, to share with you soon.) BUT NOW IT IS BED BECAUSE IT'S LATE AND I MADE CAKE AND SLEEP YAY.

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QUARKS: A LOVE STORY

2012-01-28T22:26:34Z

I wrote my roommate quark erotica. And I have to share it with the internet, because this was a real instance of rule 35, where my roommate was like "I want erotica about quarks" and I was like "I bet the internet has it" but I couldn't find it! So I had to write it.

QUARKS: A LOVE STORY
Top quark/Bottom quark
rated R for intense anthropomorphization and fade-to-capslock
to get some of the innuendo: Quarks, Bottom quark, Top quark

( Hey, beauty. What's a third-generation quark like you doing in a place like this? )

POSSIBLE SEQUELS:

THEIR EVIL TWINS, ANTI-TOP AND ANTI-BOTTOM QUARKS

OR THE NEXT GENERATION, STRANGE/CHARM

Probably gonna crosspost this to anthropomor_fic :)) okay now I gotta write a blindfold fill I'll never ever ever de-anon for. laters~

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Eliot Ness was like if Gordon were not a psychopath, eh? eh? :)

2012-01-15T02:16:57Z

( I have a 7.11 reaction post because I didn't have someone's ear to talk off the whole time, ALSO BECAUSE I ENJOYED IT MULTIFACETEDLY )

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fanmix: pound of steel (Dean Winchester)

2012-01-13T20:36:36Z

This was one of those things that accumulated over the course of like a year before i started paying attention to it as a viable mix, like a couple weeks ago. I suspect somewhere in my library and definitely somewhere in the world there lurk some better songs, but these are the ones I have and like and think are totally about Dean, sooo, yes I am just making and posting it. And the cover graphic turned out awesome, if I do say so myself.

omg seriously though you should dl this because it has that song I won't shut up about on it - Hell's Half Acre :))

pound of steel: a dean winchester fanmix

( back graphic w/ song list, songs and lyrics )

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I have to write a job interview thank you email

2012-01-13T05:18:15Z

but I can't think of normal, compelling things to say that would make them think "boy, she sure knows what we need in this job and she also seems like she would be a good hard worker!" I just find myself thinking desperate thoughts. Like:

"I would love to have this job more than any other job in the world right now. This job and I are MFEO. Here is a video of myself covering "Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs; I feel that this comes the closest to expressing how truly perfect this job is for me. Truly, none of the other final candidates will love this job like I am already certain I will love this job. If you know anything about me you will know that I live to please my coworkers and the people I help and service. Without this job in my life, where will I get my daily validation that I am a worthwhile part of the world? I am a perfect product of the capitalist system: I could go home and live in my mom's house, but instead I stick it out in another city with the idea that I need to follow my own career. The U of C has thoroughly indoctrinated me to believe in its inquisitive-mind ideals and the idea of academia as the highest calling that I could only HOPE to serve even if I am not called to it.

"I don't know what I'll do if I don't get this job. I've been counting on this job to call me back. No other job shines like this job does. Call me a fool, but aren't we all fools in love? If you don't offer me this job I'll be driven into the streets, to lesser not-for-profits, or even worse to a for-profit institution where I'll feel that everything I do only perpetuates the vastly unequal and sick relationship between the employer and the employed. I know I don't have any hope in the end. Everyone dies a wage-slave or guilty of benefiting from the wage-slave system. I can only hope to be a wage-slave in such a shining ivory tower as this one, offering me such pleasantries of workaday life, a quiet office corner all my own, some faculty to seek approval from, and some students bursting with potential who I can admire and think to myself, One day I too will be a suffering grad student laying my ideas on the altar of academia. Until that day, I truly believe that the work environment I saw today is the ideal one for me, truly the ideal."

CLEARLY I SHOULD JUST MAIL THEM A COPY OF JOEY COMEAU'S "OVERQUALIFIED"

/attempt at humorous nonfiction

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erasure poem: a handful of valor (of In God's Country)

2012-01-07T03:30:45Z

erasureathon 2011: I erased twoskeletons's fic In God's Country. It is a Supernatural fic about Dean and his imaginary friend and/or guardian angel, spanning preseries right up to 4.01. It is legit one of the most thoroughly beautiful fics I have ever read. Her language made me want to erase it right away, but instead of doing the honorable thing and getting on that when I wanted to, I put it off and then snatched her up when I parceled out assignments for erasureathon. Hope this is cool enough that you can forgive me that selfish move, lass :))

This poem is not necessarily SPN but very much about it. I hope it works on both levels.
I would post the visual of how I erased these on the page, but dear god, I just tried doing a real blackout of the pages with paint or marker so you could see past my scribbles and it's all illegible, in every form XD

a handful of valor

( hell is everything back from the dead )

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fic: In the Mountains, There You Feel Free (Sam/Dean, R)

2012-01-06T12:42:46Z

In the Mountains, There You Feel Free
Sam/Dean
R
set in Washington, for 50states_spn's 2011 challenge
Thank you, gold_bluepoint, for the very thorough last-minute beta. <3333 you put up with a lot for me.

( How can grown people sleep like this? Remember when Dad took us camping and it was fun? When did we get this old? )

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HAPPY NEW YARR

2012-01-01T08:31:49Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR ERRBODY
watched the Space Needle fireworks just as midnight hit - sweet space theme this year.
saw a few minutes of Coldplay on Austin City Limits. Talking with my little brother about how "Fix You" would make a super awesome SPN fanvid (he says about ghosts, I say "I was thinking about Sam and Dean", he laughs, I'm like "WHAT IF THEY'RE GHOSTS" and he's like DON'T SPOIL IT FOR ME lolololol)
eating and decorating gingerbread men - mom made them and my wrist is too hurt to decorate much, but I have made two sams and a dean! at first I was like, Rob! I can't decorate! Make a Sam and a Dean for me? And he was like, ALREADY DOING IT. I have sort of converted him :)))))))))) eeeee

now I am charging my ipod for my plane trip tomorrow, eating lemon ricotta "cheesecake" my mom bought, nursing and straining my wrist alternately, and watching Hollywood Babylon, shooting for finishing S2 tonight like my bro is determined to do. LOL PACKING WHAT IS DAT

I may have some resolutions and they may be "exercise 3 days/week for realsies" and "re-read a Sosc book like Foucault or Marx or de Beauvoir". also paint and poetry. ooh maybe I will resolve to get something published?!? and get a job? well you know that last one is more serious than a new year's resolution.

ILU ALL, wonderful friendslist. you have been real lights in an otherwise horribly difficult year - engaging, warm, rewarding, comforting, inspiring, all the things! so much love for y'all. I wish you all the best new years <3333333333333 you all deserve it.

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zempasuchil @ 2011-12-23T14:06:00

2011-12-23T22:11:17Z

uhhhh hahaha heyyy posting from dreamwidth to tell you all I am also zempasuchil there and I should probably start maintaining this thing, considering that lj is fucking with commentspage stuff that's important to *meme comms and, uh, you know, anything that uses comments. Seriously, fucking Arial, I wanna gouge my eyes out.

cannot stay long, baking cookies and trying to un-freeze my ipod, but I want to tell everyone around these parts MERRY CHRISTMAS OR OTHER WINTER FESTIVITY OF YOUR CHOICE

AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR

though I will be back before then because I swear I will finish my 50states fic and post it. I SWEAR.

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DEAR FLIST TELL ME ABOUT THESE POEMS

2011-07-29T21:08:57Z

WHAT DO YOU THINK DO THEY MAKE YOU THINK OF THINGS

NOTES ON THE PYRAMIDS (I)

All morning him circling in the steak-red limo, radio
squawking, creche on the dashboard. With each pass
he shouts a lower price. I hold out for awhile.
I hold out for awhile.
When I nod he throws me a shovel and torch.

He opens the door. I see the rabbit
on his lap. His pink knuckles caught in the thing's ears.
A metal brace around his neck. A buzzing
sound from under his hat, like wet phone lines.
I sign the forms. I sign the forms.
He throws me some coins and steps on my fingers
with his meat-boots.

I wake next day on a red tiled floor.
The flames on my arm keeping the dogs back.
I watch the others winding past me to work,
toting chisels and wax-paper bundles.
Winding past my arm to the smokestack.

Loudspeakers everywhere: his voice pushing through the compound
like a wire, saying "God is great" and "Arbeit."
When I ask his name the violinists stop.
Women in peau de soie linger by his tent.

Roll call. He stands on the scaffolding with his printout
and aides. He laughs into the mike.
We laugh back. Chains rattle. We laugh back.
He dabs his fingers in sacred oils
and forces them into his mouth.
The sky is green with blackbirds.
He reads his list. "The world is made of sand and water."

NOTES ON THE PYRAMIDS (II)

Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. He sends
gloved messengers with gifts for me,
green and blue birds, glass tubes. All night
him pacing in the bell tower, binoculars raised, looking
at me. He takes me to the pyramid.

All the signs agree: "It's nearly done."
His mouth is dry. His mouth is wet.
He names a day for me. He cuts his chest with stones
for me.
I wear his stained shirt.

Nearly done. We run out of sand for mortar.
The cement trucks stand in the lot like
monuments, weeds growing under the wheels.
The smokestack is quiet. The digging stops.
He doesn't know what to do. He's looking at me.

I tell him to give it just one more day.
I tell him not to make the firstborn decree.
I try.

I try.
A few more stones left to raise.
We stand at the base of it, him with his rabbit.
We stare at each other pink-eyed, my arm
around his hot neck. I say his name.
I say his name.

They pulleys pull between us, setting in place
the last flesh stones. Each of us holds
the other's starred birth papers.
My God, what we've got on each other.

-- Debt, Mark Levine

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what I am up to these days

2011-04-12T04:06:52Z

today, I:

- went to Portuguese class (for the first Monday this quarter!!! yes I have missed the past TWO monday classes! sdflkj!)
- visited with friends between classes
- went to Queer Sinners and Saints class where one girl so helpfully pointed out the terrible double or even triple blind we're given towards women in Ackerley's Hindoo Holiday (the writer is separate from women in his own culture, he's separate from Indian culture, he's doubly separate from Indian women, and on top of it all he's completely uninterested in women in any context. GREATTTT)
- went to BA advisor meeting, it went well I think!
- found out I've missed a required practice session for Portuguese
- read poems at the local library! :) :) :)

tabs currently open in my browser:

Internationalität nationaler Literaturen : Beiträge zum ersten Symposion des Göttinger Sonderforschungsbereichs 529 (which has in it Efrain Kristal's "The Incest Motif in Narratives of the United States and Spanish America", for my BA)
UChicago career and planning services: undergrads: jobs
fanverse on gid_hanasheh
JIBCON SEB/MISHA GIF!!
JIBCON MISHA HEARTEYES AT SEBASTIAN PIC
poetry - Catie Rosemurgy, "The Pirates of Gold River"
the weather in Chicago: forecasted in the 60s this week!!
a bunch of old fics that I have yet to archive on AO3

IDK, I thought they were interesting. The incest one, mostly. Because I cannot escape it even if I wanted to.

I am done with my Aymara and Quechua reading (from Domination and Cultural Resistance: Authority and Power among and Andean People - Roger Rasnake), and I have my choice of two two-page papers to write. Or BA. nnnfffhhdsfjkldkdfsk ://// so tired ://///

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zempasuchil @ 2011-04-09T14:51:00

2011-04-09T20:02:02Z

I don't like having fewer icons on DW than on LJ. pout.

It's almost 3 on Saturday and I'm not even fully dressed lololol this was the plan, to relax, but it was also the plan to do laundry, call all my family, and then get BA work done. These things can still happen, but I kinda want to just watch some TV.

Last night was sweet, I had good sushi for dinner, then decided on impulse to go to HP7 which was showing at the student cinema. Also on impulse we decided to pregame for it, and by "pregame" I mean "take a few swigs from our bottles of excess booze half an hour before". SO THAT WAS SOMETHING. Guys, all the feelings about that movie!!!! IT'S SO INTENSE. Anyway. I left the theater chattering their ears off about how Harry, Hermione and Ron just NEED EACH OTHER AND NEED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER. Then we went to buy snacks and mixers, and had more drank and watched the first ep of The Borgias! Lol oh Showtime, so much sex always XD So far my favorite thing is the way that Cesare looks at people as if to imply that they are having sex already or if they are not they really really really need to do it. When I say "people" I mean EVERYONE EVER.

I am feeling generally happy. Stressed, yes a bit, and anxious when I remember the things to be anxious about, but generally happy and chill! Still not taking full advantage of life - haven't been outside today and it's almost 70, haven't checked anything off my to-do list - but I like spring, it makes me feel nice in general. <3s to you all :)

PS
( how is jared padalecki so beautiful )

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things to make me happy

2011-04-07T07:48:40Z

( alpacas, llamas, and maybe a vicuña or two )

And, for your amusement, alpacas with post-punk hair! I lol'd mightily.

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